Have you ever questioned how many times you fell in love? Have you ever questioned the meaning of love and reframed it according to every lover you had? Have you connected the stars and blamed them for your encounters with strangers that invaded the spaces of your heart? Have you ever blindly believed in a magical future with a person you can’t get yourself to face anymore? Have you ever wondered why so many when I need just one? Why not even one in a population of 7 billion? Bumping into billion faces everyday but not finding The One? Have you ever imagined how it might be if things were different? Have you cried for so many people and wondered the love for which one was true? Have you blamed yourself for taking a path you could’ve not? Have you thought of starting over?
I’ll admit and confess. My answer would be a yes to all the questions above. Yeah. My heart tried to find a soulmate in every person I shared an honest relationship with. My mind always tried to believe and make me believe that “he is the one”. I cried for a lot of people who diverted and chose another path for themselves, a path I wouldn’t be a part of. I was worried about losing someone that might’ve been ‘The One’ and reasons being my flaws. I created countless scenarios in my head picturing a future no less than a fairytale. I altered the definition of Love every time I fell for a new person. I cursed my reflection in the mirror and asked her why she couldn’t keep people in her life? I asked her why people didn’t like her the way she wanted to be liked. I asked her why she lost pieces of her heart to so many people and not just one?
And one day, she answered. Maybe she got tired of quietly facing the questions thrown at her without second thoughts. Maybe she got tired of me hating myself because I was so flawed. Or maybe, she just had to answer.
“Yes. You have flaws. You are outspoken at times yet sometimes your silence can kill people. You can burn people like fire sometimes. You hurt them by hiding some truths about you. You give people reasons to hate you. You draw your boundaries but also let some break and enter. You believe too easily or not at all. You tell them everything yet nothing. You look too far into the future and then get hurt because of your own expectations and call yourself disappointed. You have a lot to say but you don’t. You never filter what you say. But all of this makes you what you are. You are guilty but also unapologetic for what you believe in. You are a product of what you’ve been through. You are scarred, beaten and broken but you are healing and putting those pieces back together. You are simple yet complicated. You are a jigsaw puzzle and maybe it is the purpose of your life to gather your pieces and fix them where they make the most sense. You are insecure but also confident. You are a chaotic piece of art that is not meant to impress the world. You are flawed, yes, but you are enough. You will always be enough.”
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